a tribute of sorts

I'm joining the masses. This is really not going to be for everyone however. Mostly for me, and then a few selected lucky ones :)

I'm not starting this blog because I'm becoming a mommy or have any huge inspirational things to share. Mostly I'm looking for another outlet. Sometimes I feel like I complain about the same things over and over again. Maybe if I put them into words I can separate these issues from my insides. Like if I'm looking at them on paper (or on the computer in this case) I can see them as something separate from myself.

So I'm not a profound writer like my sister. I admit I am completely jealous of her ability to put her thoughts and feelings into words. It's okay to be jealous. I cannot run around pretending not to be. It seems so silly to not be up front about your feelings or to try to deny them. So I will own my jealousy but I won't let it consume me.

My sister inspires me. She always has. From the beginning when I wasn't sure about college and she assured me that I could do it. She helped me with the overwhelming financial aide forms and the application process. When I doubted my ability to attend a university she was the one to tell me that she believed in me. I was so lucky to have her by my side during those years. They were some of the best years of my life. The college experience was not a typical one. I was surrounded by women of all ages. It was not the "party years" that some people have. It was a very empowering experience however. I learned so much about women's abilities and felt so empowered being surrounded by strong minded individuals. But I am diverging from my original thought.

My sister inspires me. When I decided I wanted to join the Peace Corps she helped me through that. "Do you really think I can do it Stacey?" "Of course you can do it." she would say. Sometimes that's all I needed, a little reassurance. She says the same thing to me know when I ask if I will be able to handle nursing school. (god i hope you are right Stacey).
We were so close in college. It was really difficult to leave her and her daughter when I went to Malawi. We had become joined at the hip, and I didn't know if I could do it without her. I survived, and we have managed to morph our relationship into something new. Something less codependent. I know I can pick up the phone and tell her anything. I just wish she would answer more often!

So I'm going to keep it short for now. I was originally planning to rant about my job, or my frustrations with this city, but I think I will save that for another time. For some reason I was directed to say a big thanks to my sister. I guess because when I started writing I was thinking of her.