election burnout

I'm exhausted. I don't even know where to start. I listen to NPR or other news daily and it's all about the elections. It no longer leaves me feeling excited about opportunities to come or thinking about the possibility of change. I really just feel completely burnt out. I don't think anyone is saying anything new or different, and I don't believe extreme changes that are necessary are going to be possible under this two party corporate owned system.

It's so blatant the effect media has on the process. They flat out lie, or ignore important candidates and repeat the names of "leading" candidates until we are all brainwashed to believe they are the only choices. I was appalled when I watched some of the Republican debates to see that Ron Paul was smirked and sneered at by candidates and completely ignored by the moderator. He is the only one who has said anything different, while everyone else is busy arguing about who is the more "liberal conservative." What a bunch of shit! CNN will say there are only two Republican candidates left. Ron Paul is still in the race however, and interestingly has received more money from the troops than any other candidate. I admit that I do not support all of his policies, but boy would he stir things up in the white house!

How do I stay positive when I know the last two presidential elections there have been questions about who's vote is being counted. Long lines for poor black communities and the whole paperless ballot brings out so many new issues. How do I know that my vote is not being altered? And even if it isn't we know (since the 2000 election) that popular vote doesn't matter anyways. It's all about delegates, superdelegates and electoral colleges. We individuals hold no power. And the candidates are puppets to the corporations, so really, where do we even begin?

I still don't know. Nader is running again, which I am happy to hear. I know there will be many who say he is stealing votes from the leading democrat, but really, aren't they stealing his votes?

It is completely overwhelming and easy to see how some people take the "I don't get involved in politics" stance. I couldn't stay out of it, and it is clearly not going to provoke changes to be uninformed, but the more informed I get the harder it is to believe in our system and our government.

a tribute of sorts

I'm joining the masses. This is really not going to be for everyone however. Mostly for me, and then a few selected lucky ones :)

I'm not starting this blog because I'm becoming a mommy or have any huge inspirational things to share. Mostly I'm looking for another outlet. Sometimes I feel like I complain about the same things over and over again. Maybe if I put them into words I can separate these issues from my insides. Like if I'm looking at them on paper (or on the computer in this case) I can see them as something separate from myself.

So I'm not a profound writer like my sister. I admit I am completely jealous of her ability to put her thoughts and feelings into words. It's okay to be jealous. I cannot run around pretending not to be. It seems so silly to not be up front about your feelings or to try to deny them. So I will own my jealousy but I won't let it consume me.

My sister inspires me. She always has. From the beginning when I wasn't sure about college and she assured me that I could do it. She helped me with the overwhelming financial aide forms and the application process. When I doubted my ability to attend a university she was the one to tell me that she believed in me. I was so lucky to have her by my side during those years. They were some of the best years of my life. The college experience was not a typical one. I was surrounded by women of all ages. It was not the "party years" that some people have. It was a very empowering experience however. I learned so much about women's abilities and felt so empowered being surrounded by strong minded individuals. But I am diverging from my original thought.

My sister inspires me. When I decided I wanted to join the Peace Corps she helped me through that. "Do you really think I can do it Stacey?" "Of course you can do it." she would say. Sometimes that's all I needed, a little reassurance. She says the same thing to me know when I ask if I will be able to handle nursing school. (god i hope you are right Stacey).
We were so close in college. It was really difficult to leave her and her daughter when I went to Malawi. We had become joined at the hip, and I didn't know if I could do it without her. I survived, and we have managed to morph our relationship into something new. Something less codependent. I know I can pick up the phone and tell her anything. I just wish she would answer more often!

So I'm going to keep it short for now. I was originally planning to rant about my job, or my frustrations with this city, but I think I will save that for another time. For some reason I was directed to say a big thanks to my sister. I guess because when I started writing I was thinking of her.

the inspiration

I have chosen a sort of nomadic life. Since my return from the Peace Corps in 2004 I have lived in 3 different states. In each one I learn something new about myself and about people. Each place has it's own culture. So the inspiration for my blog title is one of my favorite songs by Ani Difranco.

"Every State Line"

I got pulled over in west Texas
so they could look inside my car
he said are you an american citizen
I said
yes sir
so far
they made sure I wasn't smuggling
someone in from Mexico
someone willing to settle for america
'cause there's nowhere else to go

and every state line
there's a new set of laws
and every police man
comes equipped with extended claws
there's a thousand shades of white
and a thousand shades of black
but the same rule always applies
smile pretty, and watch your back

I broke down in Louisiana
and I had to thumb a ride
got in the first car that pulled over
you can't be picky in the middle of the night
he said
baby, do you like to fool around
baby, do you like to be touched
I said
maybe some other time
fuck you very much

and every state line
there's a new set of laws
and every police man
comes equipped with extended claws
there's a thousand shades of white
and a thousand shades of black
but the same rule always applies
smile pretty, and watch your back

I'm in the middle of alabama
they stare at me where ever I go
I don't think they like my haircut
I don't think they like my clothes
I can't wait to get back to New York City
where at least when I walk down the street
nobody ever hesitates
to tell me exactly what they think of me

and every state line
there's a new set of laws
and every police man
comes equipped with extended claws
there's a thousand shades of white
and a thousand shades of black
but the same rule always applies
smile pretty, and watch your back

a little town in pennsylvania
there was snow on the ground
a parked in an empty lot
where there was no one else around
but I guess I was taking up too much space
as I was trying to get some sleep
'cause an officer came by anyway
and told me I had to leave

and every state line
there's a new set of laws
and every police man
comes equipped with extended claws
there's a thousand shades of white
and a thousand shades of black
but the same rule always applies
smile pretty, and watch your back